not anonymous

I actually forgot about my blog. Blogging seems to go in spurts for me, at my core, i know it is a good idea mainly because it gives me space to share my life in ways that I do not normally get to--or at least don't get to on a daily basis. In these posts I hope to give others (you who are reading) a glimpse of who I am and what my life looks like. Maybe it will make me less intimidating to talk with or just inspire you to try to find a deeper and more full life (like we are).
I went to my third AA meeting this morning. Now I am able to finish writing about my experiences and turn it in Monday for my Substance Abuse class. I have so conflicted in going to these meetings because there is such a deep sense of community. I cannot help but wonder how my Christian experience would be if there was this closeness, and how much more could people be helped if they were encouraged to trust in more than just a "higher power". What is my place in all of this...

There is a lot more to say about these experiences, but for now, I will share a few excerpts from my paper...

" After hearing the loud thud of my heart through at least fifty telephone rings, I got an answering machine for Burleson AA. I did not call back. I know this sounds a tad bit dramatic, especially now that I have completed the assignment, but I really had to wrestle with the fact that when they hear my voice on the end of the line, they will presume that I am an alcoholic. Selah. "
...

"...My presence at the meeting completely changed the course of events. One by one, each began sharing their stories, much similar to the ones in the Big Book. I was very saddened and at the same time inspired. I felt an overwhelming sense of love and acceptance, so much that I almost began tearing up at one point. They were not just talking; they were talking to me, each one of them. Looking me straight in the eye and speaking of the truth that they have found; the strength that they have through Alcoholics Anonymous. Their words were so honest and full of sorrow. "

...

"I am uncomfortable with the lack of depth and vulnerability seen in many churches, and sometimes what the church fosters. I can understand how many have become like this, mainly because I have my own problems and fears, and well… many times I am just too lazy to try to be the full expression of what I was created to be. However, really deep in my heart there is an intense need or even yearning to not only “do the church thing”, but to actually live as Jesus lived and how He taught his disciples to live."